would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
