I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
