i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Drake has all the answers
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