My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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