just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
she pinky promised me she was 18
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize