he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
