For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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