I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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