i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
