you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
