My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Randomize
