brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
