Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
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