My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
