actually, I'm a sock model
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
