Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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