Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
