I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
