did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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