Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
