I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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