Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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