Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
How external is "for external use only"?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
