First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize