if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
