I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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