I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
