Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
