you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
