so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
