I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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