so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
