So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
