It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
