Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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