the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
