He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
