Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
