i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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