so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
