Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
