so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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