new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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