Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
