i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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