Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
