dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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