So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
