So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
