So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
