There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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