Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
