she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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