insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
