Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
