I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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