"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize