Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
