Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize