The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
