he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
