Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize