what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
