homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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