If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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