For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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