Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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