Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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