one two three fourrrrnication!
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
