So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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