This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
