the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
