therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize